So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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