dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
