He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
