Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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