Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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