Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
