Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
