People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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