i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize