He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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