12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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