I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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