I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it because I queefed?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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