My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize