I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
