I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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