I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
