Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
