I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
