I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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