Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
