my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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