she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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