I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
