I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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