I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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