im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
