Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
