You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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