I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
