There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
