Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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