I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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