tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
