I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
