hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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