I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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