in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
