At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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