Ambien. No doubt about it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
