**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
