Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
