Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize