What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
