Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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