i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
