My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
