I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize