it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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