based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
