You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just invented taco cereal.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
