i think my mom watched the whole time
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
