i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
