Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
