I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i think i just lost a toe
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
