is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
be right there i have to get my cape
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
