I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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