Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i out mim tonsoeep
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