i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
