Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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