He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
