Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
