There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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