"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
