your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
