I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
