All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
