Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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