Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
