I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
