im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize