so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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