what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Alive.
So much puke
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
