Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
