I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize