And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
