its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
