pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
