the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
