The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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