when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
